That's His Name, Don't Wear It Out!

So, I was on my way home from work sometime ago and I got a text message from my roommate. "Millie is screaming my name off her deck." Ah, crap. Here we go - she's found another way to piss everyone off.


Millie is my next door neighbor. She's sweet, stupid, blonde and can take up 20 minutes of your time in just seconds and you'll hear about the same thing over and over again. Beating your head against a brick wall is far more entertaining than listening to her drivel. She's also elderly. How elderly? I think around 60, so not that old, but her failing mind and body functions have caused her to look older, and act older, than her actual age.

So, Millie decided that her new habit was was to yell for our names, mine and my roomie's, off her deck. I was gone at work when she started this new fangled form of annoying the ever living piss out of us. My roomie works at home, and I work at an office. So, I'm not home to hear the banter. I'm almost home when I get the text message.

So, I get home and I find out what's going on. She wanted help with something and my roomie couldn't help her at the moment. He was also on business calls while she was calling for him off her deck. I'm finding this totally ridiculous, totally childish, and he's my roomie, if she needs something, she needs to go through me, not bug the ever living crap out of him. I mean, how do you explain to your boss and the rest of the people that you're on a conference call with why someone is screaming for you off their deck?

At any rate, I found out the story and all was well and good. Until I went outside. Storms were coming in and I needed to cover my bike. Since she's Miss Nosy Neighbor, she saw me outside. Once I heard her door open, I knew I was screwed. She comes out and has to talk to me. Crap, I thought. Here we go with the bitching and moaning for 20-30 minutes and I'm going to hear the same thing over and over again.


So, for the next 20 minutes or so, she bitched about how my roomie hurt her feelings, that she was will, she needed help and it's totally find to be a buzzard on the edge of her deck and yell for people, making her look like a fraggin' moron. Fine by me, but don't yell out MY name!

At any rate, I finally laid into her. I really wanted to tell her that she needs to consider that no one wants to talk to her because she has nothing positive to say, but I laid into her inexcusable actions of looking like a freak, annoying the piss out of my roomie, and repeating her 4 issues back to her. I said, "is there anything else other than those four not-so-important things?" She said, "no, but.. eh, no." I said, "Good, it's done, over, no more complaining and I have to go."

You may think that I'm a bitch about it, but when all I hear about her is her:

• Butt - this could be anything from her butt being sore to her butt is having explosive diarrhea and she has to change her diapers again. 
• Soon-To-Be Ex Husband - she says that she never raised her voice to him. I may live in a condo, and we may share walls, but if that wasn't her yelling at him and screaming at him, then I'm missing something. 
• Butt - did I already mention this? Oh, sorry, yeah, I know entirely TOO much about her bowel functions. Care to know, too?
• Soon-To-Be-Ex Husband - this also encompasses the hour by hour changes of whether or not they are going to sell their condo. 
• Anorexia - if you haven't already figured it out, I've recovered. Why in the HELL would you come to me telling me that you are intentionally losing weight by not eating? What? Do you want me to pat you on the back for trying to kill yourself? Seriously
• Losing Weight/Gaining Weight - yes, this is about the same thing as her anorexia/bulimia. 
• Being Paranoid - she's had some issues with her last ex-husbands, hence the reason why she's still on more medication than a horse can take, goes to  a psychologist and watches every movement out of her window. Add to this Miss Nosy Neighbor, and I have to explain EVERY damn car that comes to my place. 

... All I want to do is put cotton in my ears and dig out my eye balls.

So, note to everyone... if you want to look bat shit crazy, yell your neighbor's name off your deck. And, if you don't ever want to talk to them again, too, that's a great way to ruin a friendship.