Drivers, Beware ....

Y'all can be utterly stupid sometimes. Granted, I haven't always been the best, but really? Seriously, people...

1. Texting while driving. Yes, it is dangerous, especially if you continuously drive down the freeway NEXT to a car and text your best bud. Please, I have insurance, but side-swiping my car while your dumbass is texting isn't what I want to call my insurance agent about. 
2. Tailgating my tailpipe. Oh, and not just that, but tailgating my tailpipe while your texting and trying to figure out what your GPS unit is telling you what to do
3. Cutting drivers off. Not just cutting them off, but cutting them off when you don't use a turn signal and slowing the traffic down behind you. This also includes you, too, truck drivers. 
4. Passing me. I have no issues if you want to pass me. By all means, but keep up your speed limit. Don't make me get behind you thinking you're going to go faster and then you slow down. 
5. Pulling out in traffic with your little hamster-driven engine at 20 MPH while others are speeding up to 55 MPH from 40. I have a V-6 and ABS brakes. This does not mean that I want to start practicing being in NASCAR with you on a highway with lights. Maybe those Jackie O shades are impairing your sight too much. And put down the damn cell phone already!
6. Swerving between lanes. Pick a damn lane already! And, I'm pretty sure that your car came standard with turn signals. Use them, please. 
7. Double Yellow Lines Are For A Purpose. My side is my side. Your side is your side. I did NOT invite you to a fender tea party and I would like to keep my side view mirrors intact, thank you very much.
8. Turn lanes are for turns and U-Turns. Don't go slowing traffic down in the middle of a highway because your dumbass missed a turn and you want to make an illegal turn in a break of the highway median. Did you have a suicide note with you or something? For Godsakes! Go to the next damn light 50-100 meters up in front of you.
9. That big white line at a stop light. Just to let you know, it's there for a reason. We have these new tricky intersections that are tripped electronically. When your WHOLE CAR is OVER the white line, good luck having that light tripped, especially if you're in a turn lane all by your lonesome. Oh, and it's not going to make you get through the light faster, either. You may get clipped by a car that is trying to make a turn instead. Or, you're just going to look like a complete moron. 
10. Don't Block Intersections. This HAS to be in the drivers' manual. I swear, people. Don't go sitting in the middle of an intersection thinking that the traffic that isn't moving is going to move fast enough for your big ass to get out of the way. And, don't teach your offspring to do the same thing. 
11. 4-Way Stops. Take your turn. If you get there at the same time I do, the person to the RIGHT goes first, not your sinus-snot-green VW bug with cutsie flowers in it that your upscale parents bought you.
12. A green light is just that. Do NOT slow down at a green light, let alone stop at one. Are you trying to kill us all with your suicidal tendencies? 
13. The speed limit is 55. Why, in God's name, are you going 35?

That's all I can think of right now. Drivers, Beware!

I'm out, 

Empy