Just Sitting Here

Well, I had a great time tonight. I went with my best friend and her husband and their friend in a limo on a beer run. Well, more so on a beer tour, really.

We had a great time. I have never had such a great time in a limo before and I was so happy to be able to do that for my best friend for her birthday with her husband and their friend. Crazy. Just a bunch of 30 somethings having a great time and our limo driver was great, too.

In the meantime, I am looking for 2 things - full time job or going all freelance. I'm just not really sure. I'm sick of being laid off all the time (3 times in less than 5 years). I have a good core group of people that are around me where I live, but the pull back to the West Coast is just seeming so great right about now.

At any rate, I'm just sitting here pondering all the things that have gone on the past 24 hours. I can't thank my friends enough for letting me stay with them, and for being so cheap since I lost my job. I talked to my Sensei and he said that he knows the people at the Bujinkan dojo near by and that he told them about me (lord how I wish I knew what he said). And I have eaten awesome food. Within reason, though.

I tend to look at myself and think... wow, I'm one of "those girls". Yet, I feel like i'm one of "those other chunky girls." It's funny how our minds play tricks on us. Even being 20-50lbs more than what I was, I still 'feel' heavier and feel different. Yet, when I look in the mirror, I don't see it. It used to be the other way around. I used to see some fat chick when I was 75lbs and now I think, am I too small (at 40lbs more)?

I don't know. Some of you might understand and some of you might not. But, what we see in the mirror is so much more different than what we feel in ourselves. The mirror is such farse at times. It can be truthful, yet it can be such an ugly thing. I suppose I am still struggling with matching up my mirror image with my mind's image.

So, these are the thoughts that I have been thinking while sitting here. Mirror image vs the mind's eye. They can be parallel, they can be perpendicular, and they can almost seem other-worldly. Whatever they are, we have to be cognizant of what they are, who they are, and where they are. Otherwise, who, what and where are we?

Again... just sitting here...

Peace,

Empy