Uncertainty

I am feeling a great amount of uncertainty right about now. I don't have a job, and haven't had one since the beginning of July of this year. I have been looking far and wide, and I do mean far and wide, well, at least spanning the US with thoughts of other countries, but other countries just don't seem that they would really pan out for me right now.


A few months ago I had this feeling that I wouldn't be staying in the South much longer and that the West Coast was calling me again. But this time, unlike others, it wasn't Southern California. I have looked at Northern California and Washington, and once Washington came into the picture, it was all about Seattle. Now, I know why.

The reason for Seattle is because there are some great companies in Seattle, and one of the most premier companies in the world for SEO are there, too. Plus, the companies out there understand SEO, its importance and the changing times of what SEO is coming into. This could very well be the career move that I need so badly.

So, the uncertainty as I was talking about. I sometimes get a really good feeling about something and nothing comes out of it or I'm discounted as a probable candidate. I do NOT want to jinx myself, but I want this position so badly that it has made me into knots. I'm up at 1.30a typing this because my mind won't stop about what I have to do tomorrow in my interview. I don't know what the questions are going to be about and I am preparing myself blindly, hence the uncertainty. I have also never prepared myself for a possible position as much as I have for this one.

I have notes, and I keep going over the requirements for the position and thinking of past experiences that will make me be the best candidate possible. Plus, the end of the year is nearing and I have bills I have to take care of that really need some attention. There is so much at hand here, it's hard to think sometimes.

How many of you have wanted something so badly that you have racked your brain, stayed up late, or even have had problems sleeping? I haven't encountered something so uncertain like this before. Things have gone very well for this - I have applied, I have interviewed, they have told me that they have filled one position but they wanted to interview me anyway for another possible that will be opening up soon, that position just opened up and now on to another interview. Things seem really great, so far. I don't want to jinx myself, I don't want to seem to definite, and I don't want to put all my eggs into one basket, but this looks so good. I'm just hoping to God it's not too good to be true.

I got out of bed, too, to pray on my knees, something that I haven't done in a while. It was cathartic, but I also felt closer to Him as I did that, too. I'm glad that I did. Plus, I have been reading a book called Radical as well. Our last discussion on the third chapter, our leader looked at me and said, "You're really living this book right now." At first, I thought he was talking to all of us, but he was looking directly at me. So, yes, I am trying to lean as much on God as I can for everything that I can. But, the book is a whole other can of beans we can talk about later.

I am so trying to lean on God as much as I can in everything that I do. From eating to training, from driving to going to church. Everything.

Shikin Haramitsu Daikomyo is something we say twice in training and has much to do with everything that I am going through, too. "Each moment holds the potential for enlightenment." This is something we can all consider in everything we do everyday and in every moment of our lives.

Anyhow, uncertainty ... I'm living it in God, and it's been very scary lately.


~~ Empy