Thank God For Self Control

Yesterday I just had one of those "I'm Hungry" days. I was just hungry. Yeesh.




Boost for breakfast, Simply Asia noodles, Taco Bell chicken microwave thing, 1/2 of a pastrami sandwich, and then some Chinese food. Good god. And then after work, I was going to Mikey's Grill that just opened to have dinner there, too. I was so full by the time I got there, all I had were a few glasses of wine. That's all I could take.

I have to say, though, I'm not fond of stuffing myself. For those of you who know me, I eat like a bird, but all day long. I always have food at my desk, too. However, I have to thank God for the self control that I have these days. I hear of people that don't... they eat when they are happy, sad, annoyed, bored... just whenever. I remember when I was there, but rather than to fill me up, it was about emptiness. I felt that I didn't deserve to feel full or satiated. I needed to feel empty. I didn't know how to understand what feelings and emotions were.

The self control that I have now has helped me gain a respectable and very healthy life and outlook on food. I try anything and everything and I'm not afraid of anything any more. I was pretty strict there for a while with my meal plan, but after working at the restaurant, I had to throw that completely out of the window. There is not set time to eat when you're a server. It's more like a fend-for-yourself type of deal. Oh, and eating hot food? Good luck. Enjoy your food cold. And that includes the fries, too.

So, I had to learn a whole new way of eating. Some days, I feel like i ate too much, but it's fine. It's all about balance, and it's about checking in with myself. How do I feel? Where am I? Am I angry at myself? Am I upset about anything? As long as I can truthfully answer myself and move through any kind of discomfort, I can get over anything. But, the key is to be honest with myself and check-in. Process. Without those tools, I could very easily fail.

Those tools are what made the difference in my life and saved my life. Along with finding self control.